A wall is built

Craving: Sharkfin Soup

So. What do you do when you feel that someone you are close to, isn't close to you anymore? More precisely what do you do if you think that person has built a wall between the both of you? I am a person of extreme paranoia, so this may be just a figmanent of my imagination. However over the past week I have had this gut feeling that a wall of sorts has been built between me and a close friend of mine. A friend who used to confide in me, but now only seems to share superficially with me. Each time I enquire as to the problem, my friend instead quickly changes the topic. So what do I do? Honestly I don't know. Maybe the issue at hand is trust, something that has been on my mind alot recently. Maybe I have lost my friend's trust. Though I hope it is not so, but I must expect the worst. It hurts. It really really hurts when something like this happens. When a person you share that kind of closeness and friendship with, decides to take a step back. It hurts because everything seems so fake now. It is as if our conversations have become superficial and is just used as a cover up. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I am the one to blame. I would truly love to write more on this and pour my heart out right here and now, but I can't. Once again the "publicness" of my blog holds me back. Maybe even now I have said too much.

You know I consider myself very blessed that God has given me the ability to listen to people's problems and counsel them. I guess it just started with me being a real busybody, but somehow, somewhere along the way friends started to confide in me on more serious things. However I am always very fearful of leading them astray or saying the wrong thing. I truly thank God that He has been with me all this while and helped me and granted me wisdom and sometimes courage in dealing with this issues. Yeah I know I sound like I'm blowing my own horn aren't I? Sigh.........Once again I wish I could blog more. I started writing with the full intention of writing everything down, but I just know there will be those out there who will read too much in to this. In fact I can bet you that when some readers see this entry they will be asking "Is it me?".

Maybe I should now do a little diversion of my own and start talking about me and trust. Yup that's right me and trust. I have been chiding a friend of mine about that friend's in ability to trust others recently. More so especially after my talk on friends to the YF. Well I would like to apologize to that friend for being a hypocrit. Yup, that's right. I'm very very sorry. Why? Because it has dawned on me that I have the same problem too. Nobody knows my deepest secrets. Nobody knows my true fears, my burdens. Nobody but God anyway. Only he knows all, and the only one I can just talk to without worrying. Maybe someone to trust is what I am looking for when I look for love. Someone who will be with me as we go through lifes challenges. Someone who will tell me off when it is needed, and just lend their presence when I don't want to be alone. Wouldn't it be nice to find a girl like that and spend the rest of my with her? To those of you out there who are attached, many of you have already found a person like this. Please appreciate them, and don't let them slip through your fingers. God bless.