You were there when I needed a friend...

Craving : Buffalo Burgers

I have been going through quite a bit of personal struggles over the past couple of weeks, especially during the last few days. I was trying to work things out myself with an occasional prayer or two and didn't really want to share with anyone. There was a friend who actually confronted me and asked me spill the beans and confide in that friend and not keep everything inside, giving me the advice I usually gave instead, and so I did. Ofcourse I didn't share about everything, that would take too long but it was enough to help, and I was pretty thankful for that. Unfortunately that just seemed to be a temporary relief and the past few days, tirednes coupled with all the stuff going through my mind and heart really got to me. I mean it was so bad that my heart would actually physically ache. To make things worse, it seemed suddenly that when I finally wanted to let it all out, I felt that there was almost no one I could confide in. Even those whom I wanted to talk to were either busy, or sounded uninterested or we ended up talking about their stories instead. It may have just been the state I was in, or it may be I am just too damn sensitive (or like someone suggested, that I should change sex..hahaha) but during those couple of days I felt as if there was just no opening for me to share. I know my friends didn't mean it and they really do care for me, but at that time I just felt so lonely.

Then yesterday, on my way back from work, I prayed because it hurt so much and I just didn't know what to do anymore. And as I was praying I could feel God talking to me. It was as if he was saying to me "Finally! I was wondering how long it would take for you turn to me" . Suddenly, I just felt that it was God that had closed all this doors for me share with my friends so that I could finally learn and realize that it is only Jesus Christ that I should be relying on. It was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I suddenly saw how I had been looking in the wrong places for comfort. I had been turning to friends first and foremost, but God wanted me to turn to Him first. It was as if he was telling me to look first to Him and He'll send the friends later. Suddenly, it was as if hey revealed to me all the things that was not right in my life with Him, and I almost cried. It was all I could do to tell Him I was sorry. Sorry for all the heartache and pain I've caused Him, and how thankful i am that even through all that He still loves me enough to guide me in such a manner. He has helped me overcome those struggles I was having and now I feel rejuvenated, almost back to myself again...and all I can say is.....Thank you, Lord! Thank you.