That sinking feeling

Craving : Salt baked crabs

I've been having this feeling over the past couple of days, and I really don't know what to do about it. Is it a figment of my imagination? I hope it is, but I just don't know. Sure I've had some external info on the situation, but some how I've got a gut feeling. Maybe it is just paranoia. Sigh. Look at me, I haven't even said what feeling it was wasn't it? Well it is a feeling that I could be going through quite abit of emotional pain the next few months. Totally baseless feeling, but somehow I just can't shake it.

Crap just crap!

Craving : Snake Soup

All is not well in my world right now, that much I can tell you. Just had a disagreement with my mom, and I'm still seething from it. I know she loves me and all, but the nagging really really puts me off, I was so irritated today that I actually told her "Fine you continue talking if you want, but I'm not going to listen". Definately not something I should do. Definately not the right thing to do. But that's the problem when things are done in anger yeah? Even now I'm still in a bad mood. I didn't even answer my sister when she asked to use the computer, that is just how black my mood is. And the evening started out so well too! Eeeesh. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to gripe to when all these 'problems' crop up, but being chinese we don't wash our dirty laundry in public right? Sigh. Crap just crap!

So turns the wheel

Craving : Fried Pork Chop from Little Taipei, Ames, Iowa, USA

It is drawing close again. That time of the year, when changes come abound. Uni classes are going to be starting again soon and students will all be heading back to their individual universities all around Malaysia and Singapore. This time though there will be an additional three who will be going along with them, all strangely enough, heading on their way to the island state with butter on the side. Sadly things will go back to the way it was around here a few months ago before the hols, and things will quieten down again, though a significant bit more with the loss of an additional three. No more lucky draws on movie night looking for "yun fan" and nights at William's just won't be the same. I'm gonna miss you all, those returning and those going for the first time. I just pray that you all will keep strong in the faith and keep close to the Lord. So even when you are feeling alone in a land far far away, just think of KC and KFC KFC and remember they are even further away1 (Sorry guys just couldn't resist).

Seasons come and seasons go,
But this comes far too soon,
For off to uniniversity you soon shall be,
Goodbyes and miss yous we soon shall croon.

And far far away though you may be,
Forget not what you have for free,
All gazing on the same bright stars,
Family and friends just like me!

The things we do for...

Cravings : Porridge and salted fish

Whoa. What a day I had yesterday. The day started of pretty normally with a meeting in the morning which went well. However after that I was informed of a customer's machine which I had accidentally kicked and wasn't working. I made some calls, talked to my boss and decided to go one of these days to check out the unit, and boy was I afraid. I was nervous and apprehensive because, what if it really was broken and it was all my fault? How much would I have to pay, those things don't come cheap you know. Then something miraculous happened. As I was carrying on with my work, I suddenly recieved a phone call, from a collegue I had previously asked for help on the situation. He had previously told me that he had try to fix the problem and couldn't do it. (Part of the reason why I was so afraid) But lo and behold, he told me that he had fixed the problem. I couldn't believe it as I just talked to him earlier and he said he didn't have time. I was and still am really thankful. God answered my prayer before it even came to my lips.

The later part of the night was even more crazy. I would elaborate further, but the privacy of those involved must be protected. Hahahah. A cow made a remark to me last night, "Sometimes making your loved one happy is reward enough". And that really is so true. Making those people you love and care about happy is in itself the greatest reward, even if sometimes they don't know that you were the one behind it. As to a couple of personal friends out there who are facing trials and temptation, God loves you and will see you through it all as long as you trust in Him and God willing I'll be there for the ride encouraging you all the way..:)

Back to being me..

Alright. I'm feeling more normal again. I hope those of you who read my blog and know me personally don't read too much into that last entry. It is just one of those things you know. I guess I have a pretty small brain myself, don't have the space to remember all the bad stuff. :)

Enough of all that sad stuff. On to more interesting issues. Well interesting to me anyway. I was talking about herbs and guess what, the basil I got back from William's started to smell, so they got thrown away. :( The upside was, my parents the sweet people they are, went and got me a couple of pots, bought basil and parsley seeds and planted them for me. So nice of them! Yay! Thanks alot mum and dad! Also Jess has pointed me in way of other people I can go to for herbs. Yay! Soon I will be able to strike all of that off my wishlist. Hees.

Another plus side to the day, was that my relationship with a friend seems to be getting better. The akwardness (due to some stuff) seems to be fading. And that's great. Enjoyed the little time we spent together today. It was really nice to be able to have that nice and easy going chats with her again. Quite fun. Oh and Mr. and Mrs. Smith is worth a watch (eventhough it has more then its share of corniness).

I suck...

Craving : Roast Duck

I suck. That's all I can say. Why the heck do I have to be this softie? I mean why can't I be a cold and heartless bastard? Why? Why? Why? I almost cried today, right there in front of my students. And it was only over a small thing, the remarks been made weren't even directed at me, and yet I could feel myself welling up. Thank goodness someone cracked a joke and things were brought under control. I don't think anyone of them noticed, and man..I don't even know what I would have said if someone asked why. I myself am not too sure why. Ok maybe I do know, and yet it was such a trivial thing. Why. Why. Why. Why can't I just be indifferent to all these issues?????

The first of many

Craving : Salted Duck and Roast Goose

Guess what people! I finally have the first herb of my herb garden. A few fresh stalks of Basil. I have been looking high and low for fresh herbs and no one seems to know where to get them at all. There for the singular item on my kitchen wishlist was no closer to being fulfilled then when I put it up. However two nights ago that all changed! Suddenly at a weekly mamak session, at a place "Where Everybody knows the menu is never the same", I suddenly saw fresh Basil! I immediately decided I had to get it. Thank goodness the owner knows my face, me being a loyal customer and all (Considering I was only there the night before and a miscomunication led to no food for me). So as we paid up all i had to do was enquire about getting the basil and he immediately gave me a few stalks. He even gave me some tips on on planting it. Hopefully everything turns out well. If the basil survives, then all I have left is to look for some thyme, rosemary, oregano, etc..............

Resolutions...small brains

Craving: Look below..cravings don't change in less then 2 hours

Looks like that little problem of mine has resolved itself. I guess it is great to have a relationship where even things like this can be resolved. All I can say is thank you, I'll make amends and God willing that will never happen again.

Camp and the day after....

Craving : Chocolate chip cookies

When I first started writing this entry, I had thought to write it in chronological order. Starting with the camp and all it happenings. Yet I am drawn away from that. I just found out about an hour or so ago, that something I said affected somebody more then I thought, and I just feel so stupid and sorry. I feel bad, I want so badly to go to the person and say I'm sorry, but I know the person doesn't want the issue to be talked about anymore. So here I am blogging about it and it hits me that I really am a very selfish person. Do I want to say sorry so the other person will feel better? Or do I want to do that so I can feel better. As I write, the desire to bring up the issue and say sorry is just so tempting, but what would that actually accomplish? Me feeling better, and the person I say sorry to feeling terrible, because I brought up an issue they don't want to talk about anymore. I guess I just answered my own questions haven't I.

Ok now that, that's off my chest, I can move on to camp. Camp was excellent. The fellowship was great. The hot springs were great and I would love to go back there a second time. The most important thing however was the talks by our camp speaker. I will have to be honest I ussually can't pay full attention to most talks on Sunday morning but with this speaker, even though almost every talk exceeded an hour, I didn't feel sleepy one bit and gave my full attention. Each talk really spoke to me, and sometimes I even felt that God was speaking directly to me through the speaker. I made some decisions to change certain things in my life at camp and I truly pray that God willing I will be able to stick to those changes.

Now what camp would be complete for me if there wasn't some sort of personal struggle for me to go through. My struggle was an internal one, and I hope no one else saw it but me, because I struggled with the green eyed monster, for the strangest of reasons. I won't mention details here to protect the innocent, but for awhile at camp, it was begining to affect me. Finally I sat down and prayed, and as I spoke with Father in heaven, I could just feel the monster been lifted from me. I am just so thankful that I can speak to Him this way and commit all of it to prayer. Things are peachy with me once more, and I actually think I have come out stronger from that struggle. But yes the camp was great and kudos to all those involved in making it happen!

On a side note, my parents came back from their holiday in China on sunday. It is great to have them back again and they seemed to have brought back all sorts of interesting goodies. I must sample them and will hopefully be giving a full report soon.