Things that make me cry

Craving: Buttermilk Pancakes

Now what in the world would inspire me to write about things that make me cry? Strangely enough it had to do with me feeling pretty jiwang and listening to love songs. During a discussion on jiwang songs and videos with a couple of friends, I suddenly remembered a music video that I saw about 2 or 3 years back. It was a really sad video but for the death of me I could remember the title nor the artist of the song. All I remembered was that it was korean and part of the story line. I had forgotten all about it until today when for some reason I decided to go search for it during my lunch hour. So after some mucking about, I finally found it "Because I'm a girl" - by Kiss . And no it isn't by the rock band KISS. Downloaded it and watched it. Sad video, which u really must see to understand. However eventhough I found it very very touching and moving, I barely teared up at the end. Maybe it was because I've seen it before. So this prompted me to think of stuff that has made me cry, or more precisely things I have seen, heard or read. This ofcourse doesn't include all the personal/relationship stuff as well as onions (which incidentally will make me cry almost everytime I cut them, it is almost as if they want me to feel their pain)

So here is a list of things that have made me cry

• Because I'm a girl - by Kiss (Music Video)
Really sad Korean music video in which the guy donates his eyes to the girl he loves. Needs to be seen.

• Streams of Silver - by R.A. Salvatore (Book)
The second book in the Icewind Dale Trilogy set in the Forgotten Realms. It talks about the adventures of a group of companions, Drizzt Do'Urden the drow ranger, Wulfgar the barbarian, Regis the Halfling, Bruenor Battlehammer the dwarf and Catti-Brie Bruenor's adopted human daughter. The scene in the second hald of the book where the group thinks that Drizzt has perished, never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Only book to have ever done this. Kudos to Bob Salvatore.

• Watch the Lamb - by Ray Boltz (Song)
Very touching Chrisitan song. Heard it for the first time when I was part of the Youth Fellowship in my church and we were about to put on a play to this song. Everyone sat down and they played the song once over the speakers before we started practice. When the song ended you could just feel the emotion in the air.

• Some old movie about a boy and a Dragon (not Puff the Magic Dragon)
No idea what this movie was called. All I know that it was from my childhood. I must have been only about 10 when I saw this. Beautiful show about a boy and a dragon, and when the dragon leaves at the end, for some reason I cried.

• Armageddon (Movie)
Now this is a show which I love. Unfortunately I always cry when Harry Stamper dies in the show. I can usually hold out until the big black guy says "Harry, you're the man" for some reason I always feel moved by that scene. Even after watching this movie numerous times, the affect on me is still the same.

*P/S : My all time favourite quote from Armageddon
"Miss Stamper? Colonel Willie Sharp, United States Airforce. Requesting permission, to shake the hand, of the daughter, of the bravest man I ever met." - Colonel Willie Sharp, Armageddon the movie

One Regret

Craving : Baked Macaroni

Been looking at some photos lately and it has brought to mind one of my deepest regrets. The fact that I have very few one on one pictures with my close friends (and love interests :P Hee Hee). Yup that's right. Actually this has been bugging me for awhile, because for somereason or other, when I want to take a 1-on-1 pic with close friends usually one of the following will occur.

a) Get a lousy photographer

b) Friend refuses to take photo

c) Camera runs out of film/bat

d) We get distracted

The thing is I don't carry a camera with me most of the time. I guess I just find it bulky. I'm also not much in the habit of asking people to take pictures with me. So I guess it is partly my fault......Ok ok..so it is all my fault. Sigh. Hopefully however I will be able to remedy this sometime soon. Haha...and ofcourse if you are my friend and you are reading this, you know what to do next time we are taking pictures yeah? Hahahaha

A wall is built

Craving: Sharkfin Soup

So. What do you do when you feel that someone you are close to, isn't close to you anymore? More precisely what do you do if you think that person has built a wall between the both of you? I am a person of extreme paranoia, so this may be just a figmanent of my imagination. However over the past week I have had this gut feeling that a wall of sorts has been built between me and a close friend of mine. A friend who used to confide in me, but now only seems to share superficially with me. Each time I enquire as to the problem, my friend instead quickly changes the topic. So what do I do? Honestly I don't know. Maybe the issue at hand is trust, something that has been on my mind alot recently. Maybe I have lost my friend's trust. Though I hope it is not so, but I must expect the worst. It hurts. It really really hurts when something like this happens. When a person you share that kind of closeness and friendship with, decides to take a step back. It hurts because everything seems so fake now. It is as if our conversations have become superficial and is just used as a cover up. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I am the one to blame. I would truly love to write more on this and pour my heart out right here and now, but I can't. Once again the "publicness" of my blog holds me back. Maybe even now I have said too much.

You know I consider myself very blessed that God has given me the ability to listen to people's problems and counsel them. I guess it just started with me being a real busybody, but somehow, somewhere along the way friends started to confide in me on more serious things. However I am always very fearful of leading them astray or saying the wrong thing. I truly thank God that He has been with me all this while and helped me and granted me wisdom and sometimes courage in dealing with this issues. Yeah I know I sound like I'm blowing my own horn aren't I? Sigh.........Once again I wish I could blog more. I started writing with the full intention of writing everything down, but I just know there will be those out there who will read too much in to this. In fact I can bet you that when some readers see this entry they will be asking "Is it me?".

Maybe I should now do a little diversion of my own and start talking about me and trust. Yup that's right me and trust. I have been chiding a friend of mine about that friend's in ability to trust others recently. More so especially after my talk on friends to the YF. Well I would like to apologize to that friend for being a hypocrit. Yup, that's right. I'm very very sorry. Why? Because it has dawned on me that I have the same problem too. Nobody knows my deepest secrets. Nobody knows my true fears, my burdens. Nobody but God anyway. Only he knows all, and the only one I can just talk to without worrying. Maybe someone to trust is what I am looking for when I look for love. Someone who will be with me as we go through lifes challenges. Someone who will tell me off when it is needed, and just lend their presence when I don't want to be alone. Wouldn't it be nice to find a girl like that and spend the rest of my with her? To those of you out there who are attached, many of you have already found a person like this. Please appreciate them, and don't let them slip through your fingers. God bless.

A life lost

Craving: Lok-Lok

This is a two blog day. Yup, if you have been following my blog long enough you would have noticed that there are days where I blog twice. Well today is one of those days which is surprising considering the length of my previous blog today.

Interesting fact of the day: I saw a cat lose one of its life
Another interesting fact: It damaged my mum's car's bumper

Yup that's right. A crazy cat ran in to my mum's car as we were heading back from dinner. I thought it was a goner for sure, but then saw the cat run off at top speed. Definately one of its nine lives, have been lost. So we were worried of smears on the car, because that could be disgusting and looked the car ovewr when we got back. Couldn't seem to find where the cat hit until I noticed that part of the bumper was sticking out from the car. Crazy cat whacked the bumper out of place then escaped. So now my mum's car need's an appointment with the workshop to get the car back looking all nice and sleek.

I just got back from a Youth Leaders meeting. Foo Seng asked me along for this so I decided to oblige. Met quite a few of the IBA Youth Leaders and we sat there for about 3 hours talking about issues concerning youth and about our various ministries. When it came to our turn, we shared how important parent support was in our youth work, because ultimately it is the parents that our youth see everyday. It is no point if we tell the youth to put God first in their lives only to have their parents tell them differently when they go home. Keep in mind ofcourse that we are talking about Christian parents here. Another leader then shared about a youth that had actually said he could not reconcile his parents actions because after teaching on the pulpit, on the way back from church his father would talk bad about others, would run red lights, and so on.

Then it hit me. It hit me just how important my testimony and the way I lived my life was as a youth worker. Like it or not I am an influence on the lives of the youth I work with. Therefore I must constantly check myself. I mean I have been checking myself regularly before this, usually about things like 'am I getting too close to a student', 'am I giving people the wrong signals', 'am I doing this for the right reasons', etc. Tonight however it was impressed upon me that even the little things are important like the way I drive, or my views on drinking, or how I kid around with friends and the youth. All things which I didn't really think much about before. How can I claim to be a man after God, if my actions don't show it. People are all afraid of being labeled as "Holy" these days, because we are afraid to be seen as unhip or uncool. So different from the days of Jesus, when a holy person was to be respected. So it the question is who stigmatised "Holy" as such? The answer can only be the devil. So what is there to be done here? Someone once told me something and I guess it sums it all up nicely. "When a man and a woman go alone in to a bedroom behind closed doors, it does not matter what they do. What matters is what other people think they did."

A really long weekend

Craving : Chao Har Lok (Deep fried prawns in batter)

Phew! What a long weekend it has been for me. While the rest of Selangor and KL are at work, I'm at home and about doing my own thing..thanks to the free holiday my boss just handed us. Monday and Tuesday off so hooray! But let me do a recap of my weekend.

Friday night was nice as I got to meet up with a friend I have been neglecting for a bit. Sat around at Williams (twice, thanks to some 4 stomach animal) and exchanged stories till the wee hours of the morning. Had many laughs and chit chatted about stories old and new, especially about 'Pulau Jalan'. Hahaha...That night it also seemed like lots of Taman SEA ppl were about at Williams, and three of the seven 'Sau' sisters were there too. Even got to see Melvin again, even though he was just there to pick up his girlfriend, who incidentally enough is one of the 'Sau' sisters...hahaha. Slept really late which was bad considering I had to wake up early the next day but it was well worth it.

On to the next morning, I got up early (well early for a saturday) and left the house before 9 to pick up a couple of friends. We had been planning for a couple of weeks to meet up and hang out just the three of us and this was the day to do it. Was abit sleepy at first, but once I met up with them the sleepiness just went away. It was laughter from the first moment and even though there were some serious times, I am glad we were able to spend that time together hanging out. We watched Fantastic Four and had Ba Kut Teh for lunch. Some people I tell you really got some problem, dunno what is wrong with them, always try to zap me with static electricity only..too much I telll you. We had to travel from PJ to Subang and back more then a few times. Five times in fact, and to the same blady house too! I tell really too much man...my poor petrol.... Hahaha. Thanks for the great time you two, hope you two enjoyed it as much as I did.

Sunday was well Sunday. It was the same as it was every week except that I didn't go out for breakfast this time around. Instead I stayed back and had 3 plates of sphagetti. (I can just hear Ean Chee threatening not to speak to me now..hahaha). Was really good stuff, especially the pork sauce. Then again I don't really like the sourish beef-tomato sauce that so many others like. I'm more of a savoury-spicy fan myself. MMMMmmmm.....looks like I should do some cooking tonight, but I just wonder if I have the time...anyway I digress. Back to Sunday. Altough I didn't go out for breakfast, I did do a quick delivery run, dropping of four packages of various sizes at a house in DU. Just amazing how much noise can be generated by four simple packages isn't it..hahaha. Was invited for a drink with them, but I couldn't make it as I had some stuff to do back in church. So sorry yeah...some people are just popular you know? hahah..just kidding. Provided transport for the student com that afternoon and poked my nose into their first meeting too. Too bad futsal was canceled that evening due to rain. Shucks!

Ahhhh......so now we come to the first of my free rest days. Monday! I did some house chores in the morning. Mostly stuff I had promised my mum but had put off for awhile. Then took a quick shower and picked up Yoong Yit so we could meet Grace and Kelvin for lunch at Monesh. Gave Charles a call and asked him along as well. Now I had thought we were going out to makan, you know maybe in pyramid or something. Turns out the girls had other plans. We were going to makan in the cafeteria instead. So I drove around in an almost empty tank of petrol looking for parking so we could go in to Monesh. Thank goodness when the petrol meter in cars say empty, there is usually a good 30 -60 km or so left in the tank. So we were at the cafeteria eating when Charles comes along and joins us. Then he comments 'You know all my time here I have only been in the cafeteria twice, both times for free pizza'. Then I being the nice person that I am, casually laid the blame on the girls. After all it is onli fair right? I mean when I can meet up with the one that studies in singapore as much as the one who studies here, they deserve so ribbing don't they? Hahaha Oh yes. And one more thing. I finally got to wear my birthday present from the Tropical Penguin. Been wanting to wear it for awhile but it is not really appropriate for most places..hahaha...it's a T-shirt that goes...

"READTH

ISWHIL

EISTAR

EATYOU

RTITS"

Thanks Penguin! I will definately put it to use when you get back...hahaha

And so finally today. Just got back from lunch with YS. Went and picked her up and went to BK in Hartamas for lunch. The fun part however was getting to her office in the first place. Since I had never been there before, I was a little frightned that I would get lost, after all I don't exactly have the best sense of direction. However with some directions from YS and a map from the website I got there safetly, although I was like 20 minutes early. Strangely this always happens when I try to plan for getting lost and jams. It is as if you only get lost and get caught in a jam when you don't plan for it. Evil things I tell you, they just keep sneaking up on you. So lunch was fun, thought we got lost a couple of times to BK but fortunately for us, that did not happen. Had fun chatting and doing lunch, and we really must do that more often. Unfortunately considering we work on opposite sides of town, it looks like we'll have to wait till the next time one of us gets a holiday.

Repairing the bridges

Craving : Pai Kuat Min (Pork Chop Noodles)

Bridges, you don't realise how important these structures are until they are gone. I'll bet most of the people in penang just complain about the jam on the penang bridge Likewise for those who travel the causeway between Johor and Singapore each day. The thing is we probably never fully appreciate bridges, or anything else for that matter until it is gone. By this time you all must be asking, alright so just what this Uncle Su getting at? So chiong hei for what? Hehehe...truth be told, I'm talking about friendships.

I've sort of being thinking over this week, since I finished my talk and I've noticed that I've allowed alot of my bridges to my friends to collapse. Obviously I'm not talking about the friends I see often, but more about those I haven't seen in awhile like Charles and most of my uni mates. This highligted further to me when I discovered that things that have happened among some of my good uni friends I wasn't finding out until after a couple of months or even half a year. I guess I tend to focus on a couple of groups and slack of on the others. However I have decided to do something about this and repair these bridges. In fact the rebuilding has already started I think, and I have discovered a couple new blogs to add to my list of friends (Even though I can only read about half of Ean Chee's).

I'm hoping to make a....*interrupted*.....ok now I can't remember what it was that I wanted to write about. Have some new and happy news though. My boss, the nice guy that he is has given the whole office next monday and tuesday off! Hooray! It's a reward for us getting our project handed over so...hip hip hooray! No monday blues for a week!

Paintball!

Cravings : Hershey's Dark Chocolate

Man am I bushed! Really tired and I just want to hit the sack but I have to wait for my hair to dry off first. Just got back from my first paintball experience, and I have to say it was really fun. Went with another six friends, Tim and Liz, James and Rach, Fooz and Kean Hui. Just the seven of us, so as you know the teams were to be a little uneven. Well we got there about 8pm or so and after a short briefing we split up in to two teams for a capture the flag game. At first it was the couples versus the rest of us. But after getting our asses handed back to us, we switched around and the split the couples up which made for more interesting and balanced game.

The first round was hilarious and intense which ended with Tim and Fooz charing each other and I accidentally getting a head shot on Rach. This actually prompted the marshals to stop the round and go over some rules with us. Needless to say after the pain felt on the first round, the subsequent rounds were much more cautious. Other then the masks fogging up all the time and hindering my sight, everything was quite fun. Lady luck was on my side, and even though I got hit almost every game, I will only be spotting a couple of bruises. All other shots hit some part of me that was well protected. I guess Fooz probably gained the most from the game, coming home with a third nipple and all. Hahaha. Great to spend time with those guys and I'm already looking forward to the next time..:)

Seeking my way

Cravings : Very very fulll....

Wow! It is finally the end of the week. And truly what a amazing week it has been. When last I left you guys I was about to embark on my journey of getting away and spending time with God. I'm glad to report that I had really great time alone in Genting's reflecting on God's word and how he was speaking to me. This was the first time I had ever done a thing like this, and I truly think it will not be the last. Sometimes there is just so much noise in our everyday lives that we can't even hear ourselves, let alone God. Getting away from it all really does wonders and I would highly recommend that you all try it once in awhile.

On saturday, I finally took to the front of the prayer meeting hall and gave my message to the youth. I was as nervous as a sack of bones and I'm sure it showed in my voice and my demeanor, however thank God everything went ok. No major issues except for me not being able to find the right word at one point. I can really say that it was all God's doing and not mine, He gave me the gist of what to say that morning itself and as I spoke, it was as if His steadying hand was there guiding me along. He is my rock, and my fortress. I was very encouraged when some of the students came up to tell me that the talk had come at the right time for them, that it spoke to them. I can only be grateful that God spoke through me to them. Another encouragement to me was all the prayers so many of you prayed for me. I was truly touched that by that act of support. Thanks for the encouragement and prayers you all....you know who you are.

A new month

Craving : Sang Ha Min (Fresh Prawn Mee)

Breathe in! Do you smell that? No? Well it's the air of a new month. So much for the fresh new intro, I tried to make it more hip, but I guess that just isn't my forte. So haven't blogged in about a week I guess. Been really lazy and DotAing. Echoing the words of a fellow blogger of mine, Jee Lee it is a lot more quite now without the Li Yee, Sam, Shel and Topher around, and so soon after Kev and KFCKFC left too. Amazing how time flies and how relationships can change during that time. This thought is occuring to me now even as I write this because I am reminded that barely a year and a half or so ago Li Yee and Shelby were nothing more then another two faces in the crowd. I had heard of the "Shall-be" song, but that was my extent of knowledge of those two. Fast forward to the present and its a whole different story. Speaking of that, I can't believe it has been one and half years since.....oh but that's for another time.

Other things on my mind. Well actually the one major thing on my mind now it that I'm giving a message this weekend to the youth. I am nervous, really nervous. I haven't had much to go on, but I think I have found a tangent to talk about. Thank God. But I really need to spend alot more time with God and focus. The last thing I want to do is to lead young lives astray. That is one of my biggest fears, that I go out there and say something that is grossly wrong. I admit the embarassment would play a big part, but I know in my heart (or at least I hope I do) that it will be God I'm serving when I go up front there and not myself. I am frightened, frightened I am ashamed to say of what people will think after I'm done, when instead I should be frigtened of God. I know I need to get my heart right with God before I speak, or it will all come to naught. Which is precisely the reason I'm taking leave from work tomorrow, to go away and really focus on Him.