Steeling...

Craving: Cheese and crackers

Looks like one of the days which I've been dreading is approaching. I've told myself and others that I want it to come to pass...but....it doesn't mean I've got to like it. At least I won't have to suffer anymore right? Oh who am I kidding...I'll be crying inside.

Keeping the Ties

Craving: Good food. Any good food.

We've just ended a prayer session here at camp and I've just been hit by a few thoughts that I wanted to blog about. We prayed for many things during the session and one of them was about friends. Aliza was mentioning during the session about how she, Yueen San and Amy share this close bond and how they pray together every week. I can't help feel a pang of regret each time I hear this. I think about the prayer group I used to have. How Tim, KP, Shaun and even Kev (though he usually couldn't make it) would meet up for prayer. I feel regret cause I wish I had faught to keep it going more. That I should have kept with it praying in my house instead of going to church for Prayer Meet. Sounds bad I know...but I think it would have been better for all of us. I think maybe that is one of the things I lack in my life....a real group of people I can bring my prayers before and be accountable too. I really wish that I had tried to keep it going more....maybe.....sorry Lord for not fighting for it harder. I'm so sorry.

Fraying

Cravings : Bacon

I think I'm currently in one of those spots. Been feeling my "singleness" pretty keenly over the past couple of months. The fact that almost all of my close friends are attached (or soon will be) plays a part in this as those the not so subtle jabs and pokes from family. To be honest I sometimes dread going to gathering's with my friends, not through any fault of their own... but when we're together... I can't help but realize that I when I turn to my side all I see is an empty space. It's been a bit sucky too as it sorts of spills over into other stuff. Just the other day I wasn't invited to watch a show with some friends, which was understandable coz well I was watching another show. Somehow however, I felt this incident very keenly. Perhaps because I had wanted to watch the show and mentioned it a few times, or maybe it was because I knew I wouldn't have anyone else to watch the show with, or just maybe coz I felt that I wasn't even thought off...I don't know. Felt pretty darn sucky....luckily by the end of lunch I had managed to shake myself out that stupid mindset.

I think part of my current predicatment is that I have quite a few close friends of the opposite gender, and when they get attached we sorta lose the closeness. Which is understandable, coz there are new boundaries that have to be drawn. I'm happy for them at the same time a little sad coz I know things aren't the same. Also my issues with my trying to move on from my past interest hasn't been going all that well. Sigh...sucks to be in this melodramatic, emo kind of mood. Hope I get out of it soon. I mean just reading the Naruto chapter where I thought Hinata died (which still may happen, but the next issue gave some hope for her survival), I couldn't sleep till 4am. Sucks man.